These are just some of my favorite quotes. Many have appeared on my AIM profile, but the limited space on it forces me to delete hilarious quotes every week. I will divide them into sections by where they were first heard.

Malcolm in the Middle

 "My God... I've been so self absorbed! I didn't notice this whole time!... ... ...
Wait... what if that happened to me???" - Frankie Muniz (Malcolm)

"Yes! The whole worlds out to get you, Mom! It's a huge conspiracy, and the cat next door is the ring leader!" - Christopher Masterson (Francis)

Eminem

"Hey Dave! Pull up your pants! We need an ambulance - there's a girl upstairs talking to plants!" - My Fault

"So kids say no to drugs, so you don't have to act like everyone else does,

I guess that's all I have to say, drugs are just bad, Mmmmmkay!" - The Kids

The Simpsons

"What? They're controlling our minds with flu shots? I knew it! Now aren't you glad we don't believe in them, children?" "Yeyeyeyessss.... Daaadddyyy..." - Flanders to his shivering children

"And Harry Potter lived happily ever after.... and burned in hell for eternity for practicing witchcraft." "Yea!!!!" - Flanders and Todd

"Um, Flanders... I was trying to calculate a fair flat tax, and I accedentily proved that there's no God." "But that's impossible... wait... carry the 3... it's all here... darn it!" - "Smart" Homer and Flanders

"And that Blue Man group... are they a rip off of the Smurfs or what?" - Homer
"Hahahahahaha!!!!!" "Childrain... en franceis!!" "Hawawawawaw!!!" - Le Teacher

"There's nothing like revenge for getting back at people." "I don't know... vengance is pretty good." - Carl

"Our city is now official! All we have to do now is sit and wait for an NFL franchise." "Hi. I'm with the Arizona Cardinals..." "Keep moving." - Homer

"Wait... No one does a pout right after a jiggy! Everyone knows that!" - Millhouse
"Those invertebrates will sting you old school." "Word." - Joey Fatone

"Ooh! Dancing Jesus! If there's a better use for the internet, I haven't found it." - Homer

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!" - Ralph

"Don't worry head - the computer will do our thinking now!" - Homer

"Oh! There is no emoticon for what I'm feeling right now!" - Comic Book Guy

"We all know something. I invented the bottomless bag of peanuts." - Number 7

Whose Line is it Anyway?

"The last time I fore-scored was seven years ago!" - Greg Proops, wearing an Abraham Lincoln mask

Will and Grace

"Of course you'll never be like her! She's only one of the greatest artists of all time! But we won't honor her by quitting, right? 5...6...7...8... Oops I did it again..." - Sean Hayes

"You know why he'd rather go out with me than you? Maybe because while I read the Wall St. Journal, you read Tiger Beat. Maybe because I don't have to finish every sentence WITH JAZZ HANDS! Maybe because the only things you know about are boy bands and butt-robics!" - Eric McCormick

"Me! Me! I'm the fruit to go with those pants!" - Sean Hayes

Miscellaneous

"But for now I don't sweat it - I'll clean it up later cuz there's a honey over there and I really want to meet her." - Aaron Carter, Aaron's Party (Come Get It)